If you keep telling yourself you just need to think about it a little longer, you’re probably avoiding something you already know.

On the surface, that sentence sounds responsible. Thoughtful, even. But most overthinking isn’t discernment. It’s discomfort avoidance that feels like a strategy.

For people with anxiety, ADHD or both, thinking can become a way to stay safe. Let's be honest, it creates motion without risk. It also offers the illusion of control while protecting you from fear and shame — the two emotions that most often sit underneath avoidance.

Fear of hurting someone.
Fear of being wrong.
Fear of regretting it later.
Shame about wanting more.
Shame about changing your mind.

So the nervous system delays action. You edit the message twelve times, as your nervous system waits for clarity to arrive before action.

This is where Opposite Action gets misunderstood.

Opposite Action is a skill rooted in Dialectical Behaviour Therapy. It's often framed as forcing yourself to do the thing you don’t want to do. Push through. Override your feelings.

That’s not what it is.

Opposite Action only works when three things happen first: you check the facts, you stay with the urge, and you meet yourself with compassion rather than excuses.

Miss any one of those, and you’re not practicing Opposite Action. You’re just white-knuckling behaviour change.

When Overthinking Becomes Avoidance

Overthinking can feel productive. It sounds like responsibility. But when thinking repeatedly postpones action, it often becomes a nervous system strategy rather than a clarity strategy.

For many people, especially those with anxiety or ADHD, fear and shame amplify uncertainty. The body wants relief from discomfort, not necessarily truth.

So the mind keeps searching for the perfect answer, the perfect wording, the perfect moment. The longer you delay, the safer your nervous system feels — even as the cost of inaction quietly grows.

“I just need to think about it some more” becomes the loop.

What Opposite Action Actually Is (And What It Isn’t)

Opposite Action is not emotional bypassing or pretending you feel confident when you don’t.

Opposite Action is a deliberate choice to behave differently when the emotion driving your urge does not fit the facts or is disproportionate to the situation.

It’s a skill for interrupting automatic threat responses and restoring agency. But it only works when grounded in reality rather than impulse.

Why Checking the Facts Comes First

Before choosing Opposite Action, the most important step is checking the facts.

Ask yourself:

• What am I predicting will happen?
• What evidence do I actually have?
• Am I responding to the present moment or an old pattern?

If the facts genuinely point to danger, harm or misalignment, Opposite Action is not the tool. Discernment is.

But when the facts are relatively neutral and the intensity is being driven by fear or shame, Opposite Action becomes appropriate. Including it turns behaviour change into informed choice. While skipping this step turns courage into coercion.

Urge Surfing: The Skill Most People Skip

Here’s the part that rarely gets taught clearly: you cannot practice Opposite Action without learning how to stay with the urge long enough for it to soften.

Urges rise, peak and fall like waves. Most people either act immediately to relieve discomfort or avoid entirely. Opposite Action asks you to remain present through the intensity instead of reacting automatically.

This isn’t cognitive. It’s nervous system based.

It might look like noticing your breath tighten, your stomach clench, your impulse to reopen the draft or close the conversation. You stay long enough for the sensation to shift — even slightly — before choosing your response.

That pause is where agency lives.

Self-Compassion Isn’t an Excuse

Self-compassion is often mistaken for letting yourself off the hook. That’s not what this is.

Self-compassion is longer breath outwards.

It’s the physiological signal that your nervous system is safe enough to stay with discomfort instead of escaping it. It creates the internal stability required to take courageous action without becoming punitive or rigid.

Without compassion, Opposite Action becomes force. And with compassion, it becomes choice.

What Opposite Action Looks Like in Real Life

Ending a relationship that isn’t “wrong enough.”
You’ve reflected, talked, journaled, processed. Nothing is overtly broken, but you keep shrinking. The urge is to stay, accommodate, wait for certainty is real and fear and shame drive the hesitation. The facts show the misalignment remains. Opposite Action might mean initiating the ending conversation even while discomfort is present.

Sending the message you’ve edited twelve times.
You keep refining tone, anticipating reactions, trying to eliminate risk. The urge is delay. The facts show the message is already respectful and clear. Opposite Action is sending it while regulating your nervous system rather than waiting for the anxiety to disappear.

Opposite Action doesn’t remove discomfort. It changes who is in charge of the decision.

A Small Experiment in Agency

Remember Opposite Action is not about forcing change. It’s about building capacity.

This week, notice:

• Where you’re thinking instead of deciding
• What emotion is underneath the hesitation
• Whether the facts actually require delay

Then try:

1. Write out the facts.
2. Lengthen your exhale.
3. Stay with the urge until it softens slightly.
4. Take one intentional opposite action.

Small actions practiced consistently reshape nervous system patterns over time.

Opposite Action isn’t about becoming fearless. It’s about becoming less avoidant of your own experience.

And that quietly changes everything.

Insight opens the door. Practice changes the nervous system.

If you notice patterns of avoidance, anxiety or self-abandoning that feel hard to shift alone, working with a therapist can support this process safely and sustainably.

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This post is for psychoeducational purposes and is not a substitute for psychotherapy.

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Photo by Hannes Richter on Unsplash

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