“No one asks how you are because you make it look easy.”

“You’ve been holding it together for so long… but at what cost?”

These 2 statements have changed the tone in more therapy sessions than I can count.
Especially with the men I work with.

They pause.
Sometimes breathe deeply.
Often blink hard or just sigh.

Because the truth is: many men don’t feel nothing—they feel everything, just without the words to hold it.

High-Functioning, But Hollow

Men who are often positioned as the providers, protectors, fixers—they don’t often get asked how they are.
They’re the ones others lean on. But when you’re always the strong one, asking for support can feel shameful.

Behind the high-functioning exterior, many carry silent burdens: resentment, loneliness, burnout.
And it’s no surprise.

According to CMHA HKPR (2025):

• 50% of Canadian men lack sufficient social support
• 73% of men living alone feel isolated
• 67% have never sought professional mental health support
• Suicide accounts for 75% of deaths by suicide in Canada

This isn’t just personal, it’s systemic.

Emotional Neglect Isn’t Always Loud

Some of the men I work with say they’ve never been asked what they need.

Especially neurodivergent men (those with giftedness, ADHD, AuDHD, or ASD) who learned early on to scan for cues and meet expectations. They became fluent in the emotional lives of others while staying strangers to their own.

For many, needs have felt like liabilities.

But having needs isn’t selfish. It’s human.

What We Can Do

If you’re supporting men or you are a man who’s quietly been holding it together—here’s where to start:

1. Normalize emotional language
Simply put, ask better questions: “What’s hard to name right now?”

2. Reduce isolation
Create peer support spaces (even digital ones) rooted in vulnerability, not problem-solving.

3. Counter shame with facts
Share stats: 23% of men are at risk for moderate-to-severe depression. They’re not weak and they are certainly not alone.

4. Practice micro-vulnerability (game changer)
Let go of the belief that emotion has to be ‘big’ to be valid. Naming a single feeling is powerful.

5. Offer tools, not just talk
Teach anchoring practices, emotional scripts, and journaling prompts, especially for neurodivergent men.

6. Include all men
Language matters. We must explicitly welcome trans men, Two-Spirit men, racialized and Indigenous men, neurodivergent men, and those navigating masculinity in fluid, expansive ways.

Therapist’s Note

What strikes me again and again is this month:

On the other side of burnout, men often tell me,
“I wish I had started this sooner.”

They show up now, monthly or quarterly—not because they’re in crisis.
But because they’ve learned the value of having a space that’s just for them.

That’s the shift we need: therapy not as last resort, but as regular maintenance. A place to land. To reflect. To feel safe enough to feel.

This Month, Let This Be the Sign

June is Men’s Mental Health Month.
And June 13 is Men’s Mental Health Awareness Day.
The campaign message is simple: “You’re Not Alone.”

If something stirred in you while reading this—follow that.

Not because you’re broken.
Not because you need to prove anything.

But because you’re worth knowing.
Not just for what you do, but for who you are.

Reference

Canadian Mental Health Association Haliburton, Kawartha, Pine Ridge. (2025, June 13). You’re not alone: Men’s Mental Health Awareness Day 2025. CMHA HKPR. https://cmhahkpr.ca/youre-not-alone-mens-mental-health-awareness-day-2025/

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Photo by Fons Heijnsbroek on Unsplash