By Elaine Dickens, MA, RP | Live Inspired Wellness

“He seems fine.”
That’s often the refrain. He goes to work. He’s functional. Maybe he even cracks a joke or helps with dinner. But something’s… off. You can feel it. Maybe he’s withdrawn. Maybe he’s irritable. Maybe he just doesn’t seem like himself—but when you ask, you get “I’m fine.”

Here’s the thing: if you’re the partner of a man who’s silently struggling, I want to share what we, as registered psychotherapists, often can’t say. Not because we don’t want to, but because confidentiality prevents us from pulling back the curtain. So here’s a truth that desperately needs airtime:

Loneliness is quietly hollowing out many men—and depression is often the downstream result.

The Unseen Connection: Loneliness → Not Feeling Understood → Depression

A new study published in the Journal of Psychiatric Research (Genuchi et al., 2025) adds compelling research to what many of us in the therapy room already know intuitively: for men, loneliness isn’t just about being alone; it’s about not feeling seen, heard, or deeply understood.

This is what the researchers call existential isolation—that haunting sense of no one really gets me. And it’s not just uncomfortable. It’s clinically significant.

In the study, 300 men were followed over six months. Researchers found that men who felt lonely at the beginning were more likely to feel existentially isolated three months later and that very isolation was a strong predictor of depression at the six-month mark.

In simpler terms: when men don’t feel emotionally known or understood, their mental health declines.

This is not just about introversion. It’s not about whether he has friends to grab a beer with or watch the game. It’s about whether he feels emotionally recognized in his inner world.

But He Doesn’t Look Depressed…

Many male clients in my practice don’t fit the classic mold of what we think of as “depression.” They're not necessarily breaking down. They’re not always sad. They’re just… disconnected. Worn down. Chronically tired. Short-fused. Indifferent.

What we often miss—especially in high-functioning, high-responsibility men—is that depression in men can look like:

• Emotional numbness
• Overworking
• Increased alcohol use
• Avoidance (of connection, responsibility, or intimacy)
• Defensiveness or irritability

These symptoms are often coping mechanisms to protect against vulnerability. Men, particularly those raised under rigid masculine norms—are often taught to “suck it up,” “man up,” and “handle it yourself.” And they do. Until they can’t. And they also tell me that asking for help feels "weak".

Why Existential Isolation Matters

Feeling deeply understood isn’t just a bonus in a relationship—it’s a buffer. It protects against the unraveling effects of loneliness. But here’s the kicker: many men don’t even know they’re experiencing existential isolation. They just know something feels off.

And because they’re not likely to say “I feel existentially isolated,” you’ll more often hear:

• “What’s the point?”
• “No one would get it.”
• “I’m just tired of trying.”

This is where you, the partner, play a powerful role—not by fixing or therapizing, but by understanding what’s underneath the silence.

What You Can Do (Even If You Feel Shut Out)

Let me be clear: it’s not your job to be his therapist. But relationships can either be a place of loneliness—or the antidote to it. Here are a few steps to open a different kind of dialogue:

1. Lead with curiosity, not conclusions

Instead of “What’s wrong with you lately?” try:
“You’ve seemed a bit distant—what’s been on your mind lately?”

2. Signal safety

Let him know he doesn’t have to perform in your presence. That you value honesty over stoicism. That “I don’t know what I’m feeling” is a valid answer.

3. Name what you see without judgment

“I’ve noticed you’ve been quieter lately. I just want you to know I’m here when and if you’re ready to talk.”

4. Encourage (not push) support

Men who seek therapy often do so after a nudge from someone they trust. You don’t need to convince him therapy is the answer. You just need to say,
“I think talking to someone could help you feel more supported. You don’t have to go through this alone.”

Final Thought:

Loneliness isn’t about being alone—it’s about feeling unknown. And when men don’t feel seen, it doesn’t just hurt them. It hurts their relationships, their health, and their sense of purpose.

If your partner seems like he’s slipping away—not from you, but from himself—it’s not because you’ve failed. It’s because something in his world feels unreachable.

Therapy can help. But so can being that one person who says:

“You don’t have to explain it perfectly. Just show up—and I’ll be here.”

🔁 Pass this on to someone who needs to hear it. Because when men feel understood, they start to come back to life.

🧠 Curious about how therapy might help someone in your life?
📞 Book a free 20-minute discovery call with our team

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Matthew C. Genuchi et al., The Role of Feeling Understood in Men's Loneliness-Depression Pathway: Longitudinal Findings Over Three Assessment Waves, 183 J. Psychiatr. Res. 47 (2025), https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jpsychires.2025.01.057.​

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Photo by Wassim Chouak on Unsplash