By Elaine Dickens, MA, RP | Live Inspired Wellness Inc.

There was a distinct time as an adult when someone gently suggested I “just sit with my feelings,” and I remember thinking, What does that even mean?

Like… am I supposed to literally sit? For how long? Is this a metaphor or a strategy? Should I be journaling, meditating, or just staring into space while my nervous system runs laps?

The therapist in me understands now the intention. But the human in me then was- confused. Resistant. Maybe even a little skeptical.

And I’m not alone. Clients ask me this all the time—“What does it actually mean to sit with your feelings?” It’s one of the most common questions I hear in session, usually asked with a mix of frustration and exhaustion. Because for many of us, the idea of being still with an uncomfortable emotion feels vague at best, and unbearable at worst.

I get it—because I lived it. I was raised to navigate feelings privately, if at all. Big emotions like sadness or anger weren’t exactly welcomed at the table. They were to be tucked in, toned down, or talked out of. The messages were clear:

• “Don’t make it a big deal.”
• “You’re fine.”
• “Get over it.”

And so I did what many high-functioners do: I internalized. I tried to “handle it” on my own. I got really good at scanning a room for what was needed of me—and really bad at noticing what I needed for myself.

Anger? That wasn’t safe. Sadness? That made me feel weak. Grief, disappointment, fear? I was taught to override them with logic or action.

So when someone tells you to “just sit with it,” and your inner reaction is I genuinely don’t know how, I want you to know: That doesn’t make you broken. That makes you human. And possibly, very practiced at emotional self-protection.

Let’s Get Clear: What Does It Mean to “Sit With Your Feelings”?

First, let’s bust the myth:
“Sitting with your feelings” doesn’t mean drowning in them.

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It doesn’t mean overanalyzing them.
And it’s definitely not about getting stuck in a swamp of self-pity.

It means being with what’s there; without rushing to fix it, rationalize it, or make it more palatable.

It means noticing the sadness, the resentment, the tightness in your chest—and instead of numbing or judging it—you get curious. You pause. You listen.

Here’s what that can sound like:

• "There’s a tightness in my throat—like something unspoken lives there. And I wonder… what parts of me have I silenced or hidden just to seem more 'acceptable'?
• “I feel angry, and instead of shutting it down, I’m going to breathe with it for a minute.”
• “This sadness feels heavy today. I don’t need to fix it right now—I just need to notice that it’s here.”

This is emotional presence. And emotional presence builds emotional capacity.

Why We Resist It—Especially If You’re a High Achiever

Let’s be honest: if you’ve spent most of your life excelling, performing, taking care of others, or pushing past discomfort, the last thing you want to do is “slow down” and feel more.

Sitting with your feelings may feel:

• Unproductive (“Shouldn’t I be doing something about this?”)
• Vulnerable (“If I go there, I might lose control.”)
• Pointless (“What’s the actual use of this?”)

But here’s the reframe: Sitting with your feelings is not passive. It’s active witnessing. It’s you showing up for yourself without trying to fix, silence, or bypass the truth of your internal world.

And that kind of honesty? That’s emotional maturity.

A 5-Minute Practice to Start Sitting with Your Feelings

If the idea still feels abstract, here’s a simple way to begin:

1. Find a quiet space. No distractions. No need for candles or ambiance—just space.

2. Close your eyes. Ask yourself: What am I feeling right now? Not what you think you should feel. Just what’s here to notice.

3. Find it in your body. Where does it live? Your jaw? Chest? Belly? Can you soften into it a little?

4. Name it. “This is frustration.” “This is grief.” “This is uncertainty.”

5. Let it be. Don’t try to analyze it. Just notice. Breathe. Witness. Be with it, like you would with a child who needs comfort, not a solution.

This is how we begin to rewire the pattern of avoidance. With practice, you’ll start to notice that the feelings you once feared are not as dangerous as you imagined. They’re messengers—not threats. Feeling are simply data. There like clouds, moving through the sky.

Why This Work Matters

The truth is, what we avoid emotionally always finds another way out. It can show up in burnout, anxiety, irritability, difficulty sleeping, or a sense that we’re living on autopilot.

But when you build tolerance for your inner world, you build resilience. You develop self-trust. You become someone who can hold your own complexity—and that’s a power no one can take from you.

This isn’t about becoming “emotionally perfect.” It’s about becoming more emotionally honest.

And you don’t have to do it alone.

So my question for you is this: What feeling have you been trying to avoid and what would happen if you just let it sit beside you for a moment?

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Ready to stop avoiding your feelings and start understanding them?
Book a free discovery call with Live Inspired Wellness.
We help high-achievers, deep thinkers, and recovering perfectionists learn to slow down and turn inward—without falling apart.

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Photo by Alex Quezada on Unsplash

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